That tinkering sound

She looked at the instrument in her hand for the hundredth time perhaps. She felt like flinging it away into some Godforsaken corner. At the slightest beep she would run to it only to find some silly forwards sent by her friends. Jokes could not even bring back her smile and then later she started carrying her mobile around for those special monosyllables she was waiting for impatiently.

It was one of his routine out of station travels. He was all hers until he left town and was again all hers once he returned.  The intermittent days were a total cut off from him. Each time she tried voicing her agony, he would laugh it off and charm her with such endearments that she would instantaneously forget her grief. Not this time when the duration of separation was longer and unbearable. She realized with remorse that she was the greatest fool on earth to fall prey to his lovey dovey talk. Did she ever regret falling in love with him, save for the harsh realities life had in store? Initially she used to try to make him at least reply to her queries in a word or two. Gradually she started getting a feeling that her dialogues were disturbing him. So she started maintaining her distance when he was away.

This trip of his taught her the hard lesson, he can definitely survive without her unlike her and unlike his proclamations. Other than the customary wishes in the morning and at night, which got reduced to a couple of alphabets now, there was no conversation at all. She was dying to hear him at least once a day, but this time promises remained promises. Neither could she disturb him nor did he make a call nor message her, she was torn in fragments. A thousand claws ripped open her bosom, excruciating pain weakened her morale and temperament, no she would not complain. She knew very well how to adapt and also was aware that she had to learn to live in this fashion henceforth, ‘coz what was not hers can never be hers.

Responsibilities on him were always her priorities while he went away, though with a tinge of sadness. Of late she began reminding herself that all that she wished for in life could not be hers, even if it was just happiness. Only what destiny had in store for her would be hers. Learn to live a life of acceptance, she repeated to herself umpteen times. Do not reach out for what is somebody else’s, do not wait for that tinkering sound on your mobile.






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